The Telly Nelly Blog

Ellen's Got Back...Pain, that is...

Yes dears, you heard it from those deliciously press hungry folks at TMZ.com - Ellen's down for the count, but she's not out.

Such a trooper!!!!

Star Jones would have totally stayed at home...as would have dear Rosie. (No offense girls, but you're not *that* dedicated now are you?)

Oh, to be Ellen - if only for one day!

Who Told the Biggest Lie?

Laura Dern, when she said she didn't get work for a year after her same-sex kiss on 'Ellen'?

-or-

ABC when it said it couldn't come to a 'View' contract negotiation agreement with Rosie O'Donnell?

I'm thinking Madame Dern is guilty...hello darling, it was your *acting* not your *kissing* that lead to a year of inactivity. Brush up on those skills. (C'mon, surely you've seen 'Jurassic Park' and 'Jurassic Park III: The Legend Continues for No Apparent Reason other than to employ Sam Neil')

Love to all!

Rosie O'Donnell Leaving 'The View'?

That's what TMZ.com is reporting darlings - supposedly the announcement will happen on today's program - if you're inclined to watch any potential drama unfold, do tune in to ABC at 10:00 a.m. ET. At least, I think that's when those hens gather to peck...I really have lost track, being a man and all.

You have been warned! (About Rosie, silly.)

She's probably leaving to dedicate more time to her gay sketch show that's airing on LOGO - 'The Big Gay Sketch Show'...check it out! It previewed last night but you know LOGO - reruns for days, weeks and months! I admit I have a preview copy I never got around to watching...just couldn't get interested in another sketch show, even if it is *gay*.

Toodles for now twatties!

The L World Island & Christine Vachon

Hello lesbians! How the heck was your Easter? Full of eggs, I assume...

Just thought you might want to know 'The L Word' island in Second Life (that virtual world you've been reading so much about) is hosting a live chat tomorrow night with Christine Vachon, the producer of Boys Don't Cry, Hedwig and The Angry Inch (and many, many more) about her new Showtime project 'This American Life'.

Read all about it here, my dear queers.

And yes, Christine is indeed a lesbian...just in case you were curious. (Or in the dark like myself.)

Enjoy, moppets!

As for me - Good lord, I don't know *where* people find the time to hang out in this virtual world...I can barely find the time to get my own cup of coffee, let alone sit for hours in a virtual lounge pretending to drink coffee! Just sayin'...must be nice. (I assume most of them are goofing off at work...likely entire IT departments!)

Go Suze!

Right on, Sistah Money.

You go!

Feel free to throw some of those millions my way, I won't mind!

Oh yummy money. Why must you be sooooo delicious???

You're like candy for the future.

Has Ann Coulter Made Me A Better Nelly?

I dunno kids, I'm seriously thinking of not using the f-word anymore. No, really!

I mean, it's been fun, but hear me out. If there's a chance I can stick it to the right-wing media f*cknuts by not using it and then condemning those who do, well...it's an epiphany of sorts!

So...shall The Telly Nelly ever use the f-word again?

Perhaps.

First we'll see how far this whole Coulter thing goes and then I'll make a decision...

But it'll be a pity as it's *such* a fun word to say. It'll be nearly as hard as giving up cigarettes!

Silly Rosie, 'American Idol' Isn't Racist or Weightist...

America is!

Or, should I say, those kids who call in to vote for 'American Idol' winners are...

Duh!

But if you care to see Rosie rip into yet *another* reality program, why - read all about it here.

Again, blame the haters who vote, not the producers who set up the vote.

My, but this one is VERY fat, isn't he? Just sayin'!

The Telly Nelly's LGBT TV Picks for the Week of February 22 - 28

Why, what a magical, memorable and mammiferous week for the televised universe! Not only does Ellen host the Oscars, we also get fresh ‘America’s Next Top Model’ courtesy of the bootilicious Tyra Banks. I’m in squishy pillow heaven!

Thursday, February 22

‘The O.C.’ — Series Finale
8:00 p.m. ET — FOX
Alas Ryan Atwood, I knew you not at all. Here’s hoping you take up a career in gay porn. (What? He’s done the whole cage fighting thing…this is the next logical step, no?)

Sunday, February 25

‘The Amazing Race: All-Stars’
8:00 p.m. ET — CBS
Holy bulkhead seats Batman; these teams are crazy for winning! I honestly don’t think I’ve seen a more competitive race and this could be the best season ever. So far the gays (Team Guido and Team Cha-Cha-Cha) are going strong, as are my non-gay favorites, Team Kentucky and Team Charla & Mirna. (Yes, I’m a sucker for the underdog.) And it’s educational too; I learn something new each and every time I watch. Case in point: who knew you could drive on a flat? I’ll never change a tire again!

‘The Barbara Walters Special’
7:00 p.m. ET — ABC
Who doesn’t like seeing the celestial stars of Hollywood go all soft and squishy? It’s a proven fact: bullish Babs always knows just what to say and where to push to turn on the waterworks. So if your life-long goal is to see Eddie Murphy weep genuine tears, this could be your one and only chance. (Unless you’re a transsexual hooker with a taser gun — then I’d say you’ve got *at least* one more shot.) I should probably mention dear Ellen DeGeneres will be one of Madame Walter’s willing victims. Give us the goods on Portia, honey —let’s dish. Delicious!

‘Live From The Red Carpet’
6:00 p.m. ET — E!
If you’re more interested to see who wore what than who won what at the Oscars, put the finishing touches on your canapés early and prepare for Hollywood’s annual crowning of the best and worst dressed. Don’t you just love time-honored traditions?

‘The 79th Annual Academy Awards’
The Telly Nelly’s Pick of the Week
8:30 p.m. ET — ABC
Screw the movies; I’m really watching this star-smashed cinematic special for Ellen DeGeneres’ maiden hosting voyage. She rocks, the Oscar’s rock — what’s not to like? This annual event is smattered with LGBT and GLBT and BLTG, you name it! The music of ‘Dream Girls’ will be a big hit with the gays, as will the endless headshots of Dame Judi Dench and Helen Mirren. (She’d better look fabulous…this is her year!)

‘The L Word’
10:00 p.m. ET — Showtime
Papi, Papi, Papi…what a fun name! Tonight Papi and Kit close the distance (Angus who?) while Helena keeps burnin’ up the poker tables with her hotness. Where’s my cash, bitch? Shane falls to pieces once again over Shay, but good old Alice has the answer — booze, and lots of it! All this *and* Marlee monogamy too? What a season!

Monday, February 26

‘The Class’
8:30 p.m. ET — CBS
Tough decisions, hard truths and mechanical bull riding continue as the de-gayification and asexualization of Kyle continues. This is no light n’ fluffy episode kids, it’s a hard hitting…aw, who am I kidding? It’s pretty light and fluffy, but a big change is in the works as Nicole must finally choose between Yonk and Duncan. As if that weren’t dramatic enough, Kat learns a hard truth about her man Benjamin. (What, he’s married? Dying of cancer? Shouldn’t a stalker know these things already?)

Wednesday, February 28

‘America’s Next Top Model: Cycle 8’ — Two Hour Season Premiere
8:00 p.m. ET — CW
Is it Christmas already? It must be if a new cycle of my favorite guilty pleasure is back on the air again! A fresh season of The Telly Nelly’s guiltiest pleasure is just what the TV Doctor ordered to cure you of your winter blahs, so if you haven’t nibbled on the dishy, divalicious delight that is this show, do join the fun! Loyal viewers are breathless with anticipation as 13 beautiful women prepare to stand before Tyra…each week she and her panel of jive-spewin’ judges (including the fabulous Miss J. Alexander) cut one baleful beauty until only the winner remains standing. The Cycle 8 season promises some incredible transformations, more taxing challenges and the best-darn photo shoots you’ve ever seen. It also could have a big LGBT twist as the CW publicist assigned to 'ANTM' couldn't give out information on whether or not any of the models identified as LGBT. Interesting - this usually means someone's coming out during the season. Expect glamour. Expect controversy. Expect someone to fart in a rather unladylike manner in a rival’s pillow. Yes, it’s the little things that make for quality TV…

‘Top Design’
10:00 p.m. ET — Bravo
No new episode this week dears, what a disappointment! Bravo’s stuck in mini-marathon mode so you’ll just have to gorge on the so-so ‘Top Design’ designs of episodes past. While it’s not the best reality show in the village at this point, I expect things will take a turn for the better once they ditch some of the excess lackluster talent over the next few weeks. Keep the faith!

T.R. Knight "Forced" Out of the Closet by Isaiah Washington

That's right kids, Dr. O'Malley (T.R. Knight) from ABC's "Grey's Anatomy" was indeed forced out of the closet by co-star Isaiah Washington...or at least, that's his version of the story. Washington denied the accusation during an interview at the Golden Globes on Monday.

He Said/He Said! One thing's a sure bet - T.R.'ll be sure to talk more about it on "The Ellen DeGeneres" show later today, but until then, you can feast on this morsel here thanks to the dirt-digging TMZ crew.

Enjoy!

The Telly Nelly's LGBT TV Picks for Monday, January 15

Hola Martin Luther King Jr. Day! I had a dream too, and it sure as heck wasn't snowing in it...

Imagine this: June 15, 2007

(How sweet would that be?)

What's on The Telly Tonight? 

"Live from the Red Carpet"

6:00 p.m. ET - E!

If you want to see who's wearing what and bringing whom, check out E!'s Golden Globe red carpet treatment starting at 6:00 p.m. ET. You bring the nacho chips and E!'ll bring the cheese - in the form of Ryan Seacrest, naturally. (Remember HIM?)

"The 64th Annual Golden Globe Awards" - The Telly Nelly's Pick of the Night!

8:00 p.m. ET - NBC

The stars will be out in full force for this melodious mash-up of movie and television awards given by the Hollywood Foreign Press Association. While The Telly Nelly feels this pompous production is a poor cousin to The Emmys and The Academy Awards, one cannot dismiss the sheer star-power of this sizzling showbiz spectacular. As so many of The Telly Nelly's favorite shows ("Ugly Betty," "Weeds," "Dexter") are up for awards I must admit I'm rather looking forward to the A-List action. An aside to my nitpicky fans: am I the only one who thinks the Hollywood Foreign Press Association should have spent a few more bucks on the awards themselves? (Faux marble? How gauche!)

"Gay, Straight or Taken?"

8 p.m. & 8:30 p.m. ET - Lifetime

If only this show had been around when Liza married David Gest! This new dating show for straight women challenges them to pick the available straight guy out of a group of three men - one is straight and available, one is straight and taken, and one is gay, gay, GAY! Hopefully this new series will clue in clueless women everywhere - you know: the kind that marries closeted homosexual men. (I think we can all agree it's a pandemic, no?) Tonight the confused Kara must choose between Robert, Ryan and Nick and then Marisa gets hers - Ezra, Tony or Yaacov. (Go with Yaacov - there *are* no gay russians.)

"The Class"

8:30 p.m. ET - CBS

Where'd the gayness go? Tonight Richie confesses to Duncan that he and Lina haven't had sex because he believes that he's not very good at it, so Duncan encourages him to take the risk and try a few new tricks. Meanwhile, Ethan finds out that Kat's been stalking the father of one of his patients and sets them up on a date. Again, where's my gay?

"I Love New York"

9:00 p.m. ET - VH1

Mmmm...but really, I don't. This "Flavor of Love" spin-off focuses on reality "celebrity" New York as she tries to find love in her namesake. She drags along her gay friend/assistant Chamo and her psycho mommy to help her make the best decision possible. (Good luck!) Tonight, three incredibly lucky men are dismissed.

"Dance Life" - Series Premiere

10:30 p.m. ET - MTV

This show delves into the lives of six dancers, 3 male and 3 female, as they try to become professional dancers. (Think "So You Think You Can Dance" but without the big break.) Tonight the dancers audition for Jennifer Lopez, who is the executive producer of the show and who will likely plug her new scent - "Glow After Dark". While there might not be any official gay, we all know dancers hang with some pretty fey folk so there could be good gay if you're lucky.